99 JOKES GUARANTEED TO OFFEND ABOUT ANYONE

 1.  What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?
     ... Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow-job.
 2.  What do you call a female clown ?
     ... A Clunt
 3.  What is the difference between a nigger and a tyre ?
     ... Tyres don't sing when you put chains on them
 4.  Did you hear about the Irishman who asked to be a Jehovas Witness ?
     ... He refused because he hadn't seen the accident
 5.  Why do pakistanis carry shit in their wallets ?
     ... For identificaion
 6.  How do you get a kleenex to dance ?
     ... Blow a boogie in it
 7.  Did you hear about the poof who got fired from the sperm bank ?
     ... He was caught drinking on the job
 8.  Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?
     a) She's three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth and her head
        is flat so you can put a pint glass on it.
     b) The sports model has pull down ears and her teeth fold in
     c) The economy model fucks all evening and at midnight turns into
         a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.
 9.  Why does Ray Charles smile all the time ?
     ... Because he doesn't know he's black
10.  Did you hear about the queer burgular ?
     ... He couldn't blow the safe so he went down on the elevator
11.  Did you hear about the queer indian ?
     ... He jumped into the canoe, took three strokes, and shot across
         the lake
12.  How do you get four poofs on a bar stool ?
     ... Turn it upside down
13.  Why don't black cheerleaders do the splits ?
     ... Because if they did they would stick to the floor
14.  Why do blacks wear wide brimmed hats ?
     ... To keep the birds from shitting on their lips
15.  Why do blacks wear platform shoes ?
     ... To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground
16.  What do elephants use for tampons ?
     ... Sheep
17.  How do you say "Fuck You" in Jewish ?
     ... Trust Me
18.  Define Jewish foreplay ?
     ... Two hours of begging
19.  What do you get if you cross Bo Dereck with a nigger ?
     ... 10 of spades
20.  Why don't Irish people eat pickles ?
     ... Because they can't get their heads into the jars
21.  What do you do in case of fallout ?
     ... Put it back in and take shorter strokes
22.  Why don't Italians eat fleas ?
     ... Because they can't get their little legs apart
23.  Why did God make urine yellow and come white ?
     ... So the Irish could tell whether they were coming or going
24.  How do Irishmen get an Iranian girl pregnant ?
     ... Come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest
25.  What has got 6 legs and eats pussy ?
     ... You, me, and Billie Jean King
26.  Whats that brown stuff between an elephants toes ?
     ... Slow natives
27.  Whats better than roses on your piano ?
     ... Two lips on your organ
28.  What do you get if you cross a nigger with a gorilla ?
     ... A dumb gorilla
29.  What does it say inside a niggers lips ?
     ... Inflate to 20 p.s.i.
30.  Did you hear about the new Irish parachute ?
     ... It opens on impact
31.  Why do Brixton coons have such small steering wheels ?
     ... So they can drive with handcuffs on
32.  What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza ?
     ... A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven
33.  Why do Jews have big noses ?
     ... Because the air is free
34.  Why did the pakistani trade in his wife for the toilet ?
     ... Because the hole was smaller, the smell better    
35.  What did Adam say to Eve ?
     ... Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets
36.  What goes into thirteen twice ?
     ... Roman Polanski
37.  What did Michael Ryan say to his mother before going to Hungerford ?
     ... "I'm just shooting down the shops"
38.  What do you have when you're up to your ankles in niggers ?
     ... Afro-Turf
39.  Whats old and wrinkled and smells like Ginger Rogers ?
     ... Fred Astaires face
40.  Whats yellow, ugly, and sleeps alone ?
     ... Yoko Ono
41.  Why don't they have black snow skiers ?
     ... Because their lips would explode at 1,000 feet.
42.  Why don't they let pakistanis in Lake Windermere ?
     ... Because they leave a ring
43.  Where is an elephants sex organ ?
     ... In his feet, if he kicks you, you're fucked.
44.  Whats black, white, and has three eyes ?
     ... Sammy Davis Jnr, and his wife.
45.  How many blacks does it take to change a light bulb ?
     ... Five. One to change the lamp and the others to hold the equipment
46.  Why are Ice Hockey goalkeepers and West Indian Girls alike ?
     ... They both change their pads after three periods
47.  Why does Nancy Reagan always do it on top ?
     ... Because Ronny can only fuck up
48.  What do you get if you cross a monkey and a nigger ?
     ... Nothing. Monkeys are far too intelligent to fuck a nigger.
49.  Why did God create the orgasm ?
     ... So that niggers know when to stop fucking.
50.  What do you call an Italian with an IQ of 100 ?
     ... Sicily
51.  Why don't they have Icecubes in Ireland ?
     ... They lost the recipe.
52.  Whats the defination of a real mate ?
     ... One who'll go into town, get two blow-jobs and come back and 
         give you one.
53.  Whats red and white and makes you laugh ?
     ... A bus load of Pakistanis going over a cliff
54.  Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left-side ?
     ... He's all-right now
55.  How do you save a drowning nigger ?
     ... throw him an anchor
56.  What do you call an Irish girl with half a brain ?
     ... Gifted 
57.  Why do women have two holes so close together ? 
     ... In case you miss
58.  What do you call a beautiful girl in Poland ?
     ... A tourist
59.  Did you hear about the new Vietnamese cookbook ?
     ... 100 ways to Wok your dog
60.  How do you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose ?
     ... If she farts and her ankles swell
61.  How do you tell if a woman is wearing underwear ?
     ... Look for dandruff on her shoes
62.  Why don't niggers drive convertables ?
     ... Because their lips would flap in the wind and slap them to death
63.  Whats the definition of mass confusion ?
     ... Fathers day in Brixton
64.  Whats the ultimate rejection ? 
     ... Having a wank and your hand falling asleep
65.  How do you tell how many Pakistanis live in a town ?
     ... Count the windows of the cellars and multiply by 36
66.  How do you kill a West Indian ?
     ... Smash the toilet sear over his head when he's taking a drink of
         water.
67.  What happens to a Jew when he walks into a wall with a fully erect
         penis ?
     ... He breaks his nose
68.  How many blacks does it take to pave a driveway ?
     ... Depends on how thin you slice them
69.  Whats the difference between a coloured girl and a bowling ball ?
     ... You can only stick three fingers in a bowling ball.
70.  What do lesbians like more than Levi Jeans ?
     ... Billy Jeans.
71.  You know that the barmans pissed when you find a string 
     hanging out of your bloody mary.
72.  Do you know how to save a drowning Nigger ?
     ... No. Good.
73.  Why is Italy shaped like a Boot ?
     ... Do you think they could fit all that shit into a tennis shoe ?
74.  Whats the hardest thing about a sex change operation ?
     ... Inserting the anchovies
75.  Did you hear about the Klu Klux Knieval ?
     ... He tried to jump over 8 niggers with a steam-roller
76.  How does God make Puerto Recans ?
     ... He sand blasts niggers
77.  What is a welsh rarebit ?
     ... A Cardiff VIrgin
78.  Why don't blacks have cheque books ?
     ... Because its hard to sign your name with spray paint.
79.  What is organic dental floss ?
     ... Pubic Hair
80.  What do you get if you cross a Jew with a Gypsy ?
     ... A chain of empty stores
81.  Why do black people smell so bad ?
     ... So blind people can hate them as well
The three greatest lies:
 82.  The cheques in the post
 83.  Black is beautiful
 84.  I won't come in your mouth
85.  Why do women have two holes so close together ?
     ... So you can carry them home like a six pack
86.  How do you brainwash an Irishman ?
     ... Give him an enema
87.  Why wasn't Christ born in the U.S.A.
     ... They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
88.  Why do Italians wear hats ? 
     ... So they know which end to wipe
89.  Did you hear about the Irishman who studied for 5 days for a urine
     test ?
90.  Did you hear about the Italian who picked his nose apart to see what
     made it run ?
91.  Did you hear about the Italian who cleaned his ears out ?
     ... His head caved in.
92.  Why did God give blacks rhythm ?
     ... Because he fucked up their hair
93.  What is the definition of a nose bleed ?
     ... A bogie with a period
94.  Whats red and runs up your leg ?
     ... A homesick period
95.  Why don't fairies get pregnant ?
     ... They always go to goblin parties
96.  What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire ?
     ... See you next period
97.  What do you call a van with 5 homosexuals in it ?
     ... The aids team
98.  What is the definition of a skunk ?
     ... A skunk in a davy crockett hat
99.  What is the definition of a virgin sheep ?
     ... One that can run faster than the shepherd